Struggle.

Been wondering about this proposed light at the end of the tunnel. Why has this tunnel become endless, without any prospect of letting me breathe. Even light is betraying its quintessential norms with this behavior. Really want these damp and musty curved walls to see the light of day and defy their grim appearance for […]

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Helplessness.

And the eerie silence of helplessness continues as I find myself passing yet another peril in my life. With bags under my eyes, I feel like I am desperate with unsurpassable desire. Goes to show rationality isn’t an inherent trait, but a true gift. ~ Muhammad Hamza Shah      

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Lethargy.

Years of continual downfall often come back in vivid flashes and render me completely lifeless. Not being able to get up and fend for myself is a truly abhorrent feeling, one that I have desperately tried to erase for almost a decade. Nonetheless, these moments have allowed me to put helplessness into perspective and understand […]

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Don’t Know What This Is…

Fighting pessimism nowadays. Hoping things work themselves out. I think my life has bottled down to a series of cryptic WordPress posts now. At least it is a liberating outlet for my ramblings. Want to thank the mental health bloggers on here, all of whom have been extremely supportive. You guys rock! Signing off. ~ […]

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Childhood. (Guest Post)

Reminiscing the past may have been some people’s favorite pastime but it’s emotionally draining for myself. Looking at old photos and re-living the darkness behind that forced smile is exceptionally hard. Subtly reminds me of the time when my dolls would witness the most horrendous betrayal of my dignity and I would clench them for […]

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Fatherless = Helpless? (Part – II)

… things began to normalize for us. But the series of never-ending questions regarding the whereabouts of my father persisted. These resulted in anger and frustration, all of which had to be hidden from people’s prying eyes. Acting out meant drawing attention and raising suspicions. All of this would eventually culminate to the incident at […]

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Social Anxiety. (Guest Post)

Always try to hide the hesitance that pops up on my face with any sort of social interaction. But it’s just not enough. I am at a point where walking down the street has become a huge peril. Those interrogative eyes staring towards my body are enough for my mind to detest the thought of […]

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Anguish.

The physical pain was excruciating but the mental anguish was unbearable. She had done it. I had faced the worst possible feat any sufferer could have. But the questioning, emotionless eyes of the “spectators” looking down at me with their nonchalant expressions were the ultimate nail in the coffin. I had been cheated by life. […]

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Lost Innocence. (Guest Post)

About the Author:- Hi! I am Kiera, a first-year medical student in Ireland. I am acting as a contributor on this site because I relate to Hamza’s childhood struggles and felt like my words could reach out to a greater number of people here. I really hope more people can find solace in these simple […]

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A Short Letter To 11-Year-Old Self.

Dear Hamza, You are a strong-willed and generous person who possesses a number of appreciable qualities. However, you need to realize and utilize them rather than pondering over ways to make yourself ‘conform’ to the societal norms. You were raised by your grandmother who was infamous for having a heart of gold, something she definitely […]

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Hierarchies. (Part – I)

Despite the disdain associated with them, hierarchical ideologies remain deeply ingrained in the framework of contemporary society. These hierarchies are often characterized by people who are intent on harboring envious feelings for privileges held by others in different “sects”. However, contrary to popular belief, these feelings aren’t always representative of upward social mobility, where a […]

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Doubt. [Ramble]

Doubt….. It’s an incredibly powerful thought that possesses the ability to consume one’s life. It harbours itself in a person’s mind, forcing that particular person to completely rethink their beliefs. While a lot of people tend to undermine its importance and insist that its existence is something we have been ‘bestowed‘ with, I believe it […]

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Desire. [Ramble]

Oh God, please!!!!. I need this… I desperately need this.  If I had a dime for every time I said this, I would be a rich man right now. This incessant longing to be successful in every life endeavour has completely consumed me in a cycle of yearning. This cycle manifests itself in every decision, […]

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