Keeping it fairly simple. This post was meant to be uploaded almost 2 weeks ago but the medical school workload has gotten to me now. Nonetheless, I am so proud to tell you people that I am officially a 1st Year Medical Student at Queen’s University Belfast. Having spent the last 2 weeks trying to […]Read More Another Life Update:- I AM OFF TO MEDICAL SCHOOL!!
And the A Level journey came to an end last month as I received my results. All those sleepless nights spent tossing and turning finally saw their much-desired culmination. These grades genuinely surprised me because I had been stupid enough to rely on school preparation for some subjects. Nonetheless, my mother’s prayers were answered and […]Read More Life Update:- (A Level / High School Comes To An End).
Been wondering about this proposed light at the end of the tunnel. Why has this tunnel become endless, without any prospect of letting me breathe. Even light is betraying its quintessential norms with this behavior. Really want these damp and musty curved walls to see the light of day and defy their grim appearance for […]Read More Struggle.
And the eerie silence of helplessness continues as I find myself passing yet another peril in my life. With bags under my eyes, I feel like I am desperate with unsurpassable desire. Goes to show rationality isn’t an inherent trait, but a true gift. ~ Muhammad Hamza ShahRead More Helplessness.
Years of continual downfall often come back in vivid flashes and render me completely lifeless. Not being able to get up and fend for myself is a truly abhorrent feeling, one that I have desperately tried to erase for almost a decade. Nonetheless, these moments have allowed me to put helplessness into perspective and understand […]Read More Lethargy.
Fighting pessimism nowadays. Hoping things work themselves out. I think my life has bottled down to a series of cryptic WordPress posts now. At least it is a liberating outlet for my ramblings. Want to thank the mental health bloggers on here, all of whom have been extremely supportive. You guys rock! Signing off. ~ […]Read More Don’t Know What This Is…
Reminiscing the past may have been some people’s favorite pastime but it’s emotionally draining for myself. Looking at old photos and re-living the darkness behind that forced smile is exceptionally hard. Subtly reminds me of the time when my dolls would witness the most horrendous betrayal of my dignity and I would clench them for […]Read More Childhood. (Guest Post)
… things began to normalize for us. But the series of never-ending questions regarding the whereabouts of my father persisted. These resulted in anger and frustration, all of which had to be hidden from people’s prying eyes. Acting out meant drawing attention and raising suspicions. All of this would eventually culminate to the incident at […]Read More Fatherless = Helpless? (Part – II)
So what does your father do? Is your father a doctor as well? Why does your mother always drop you off? Is she divorced?. As if these questions weren’t enough, I would be subjected to statements like “Look my father bought me this racket or my father and mother took me to dinner last night”. […]Read More Fatherless = Helpless? (Part – I)
Always try to hide the hesitance that pops up on my face with any sort of social interaction. But it’s just not enough. I am at a point where walking down the street has become a huge peril. Those interrogative eyes staring towards my body are enough for my mind to detest the thought of […]Read More Social Anxiety. (Guest Post)
The physical pain was excruciating but the mental anguish was unbearable. She had done it. I had faced the worst possible feat any sufferer could have. But the questioning, emotionless eyes of the “spectators” looking down at me with their nonchalant expressions were the ultimate nail in the coffin. I had been cheated by life. […]Read More Anguish.
About the Author:- Hi! I am Kiera, a first-year medical student in Ireland. I am acting as a contributor on this site because I relate to Hamza’s childhood struggles and felt like my words could reach out to a greater number of people here. I really hope more people can find solace in these simple […]Read More Lost Innocence. (Guest Post)
Dear Hamza, You are a strong-willed and generous person who possesses a number of appreciable qualities. However, you need to realize and utilize them rather than pondering over ways to make yourself ‘conform’ to the societal norms. You were raised by your grandmother who was infamous for having a heart of gold, something she definitely […]Read More A Short Letter To 11-Year-Old Self.
Confidence procreates the ability to understand and substantiate the significance of a person’s capabilities in surviving the world. Consequently, a confident person is quite likely to establish his/her position in life earlier on which, in turn, allows them to maintain a clearer perspective in the future. Growing up, I was an extremely shy kid who […]Read More Shattered Confidence. (Childhood Bullying)
Despite the disdain associated with them, hierarchical ideologies remain deeply ingrained in the framework of contemporary society. These hierarchies are often characterized by people who are intent on harboring envious feelings for privileges held by others in different “sects”. However, contrary to popular belief, these feelings aren’t always representative of upward social mobility, where a […]Read More Hierarchies. (Part – I)
 “Good Job Hamza. You did well!”, the teacher smiles at him and hands in his graded Social Studies quiz. He turns the paper anxiously and finds a resounding 48/50 imprinted on the front. A smile breaks on his face and he looks around, beaming with pride. He knows nobody is looking or even cares, […]Read More Retracing Steps Back To Childhood Insecurities. (Part – III)
 “Fat nerdy turd is here” he heard his classmates having a good laugh behind his back, as everybody lined up for the morning assembly. This is all my fault, I should have left the class early and then I would have found my usual spot at the front, he is thinking to himself. Things […]Read More Retracing Steps Back To Childhood Insecurities. (Part – II)
I can’t have it… I am not destined to have it… “the whole package”. The quintessential nuclear family consisting of a child who doesn’t wince at the mere sight of a simple form asking for parents details. This journey of exploration and personal vindication started from the aforementioned form and ended with the discovery of […]Read More Retracing Steps Back To Childhood Insecurities. (Part – I)
Doubt….. It’s an incredibly powerful thought that possesses the ability to consume one’s life. It harbours itself in a person’s mind, forcing that particular person to completely rethink their beliefs. While a lot of people tend to undermine its importance and insist that its existence is something we have been ‘bestowed‘ with, I believe it […]Read More Doubt. [Ramble]
Oh God, please!!!!. I need this… I desperately need this. If I had a dime for every time I said this, I would be a rich man right now. This incessant longing to be successful in every life endeavour has completely consumed me in a cycle of yearning. This cycle manifests itself in every decision, […]Read More Desire. [Ramble]